Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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