I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
