someone get that fucking seahorse.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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