guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
