I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
