Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
They took my balls.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sorry about my life...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
