VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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