i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
