I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
did i walk over a car last night?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
