Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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