Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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