hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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