Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
