Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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