I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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