if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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