Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
