Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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