wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
