An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And then he peed in my hair
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