Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
