careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
