Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
