Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
