Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
