So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
