So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
