I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
