Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
