Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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