Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
