Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
