you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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