I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
