I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
