do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
