Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
