areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
