I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
