where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
