Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
