I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
