I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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