Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
