can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
