But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
