I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
