So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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