god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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