In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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