She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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