your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
