just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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