And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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