Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
